Without Sin Read online

  Meg stared at him, meeting his gaze fearlessly. She steeled herself not to shrink away from him, though his touch seemed to burn through her skirt. She wanted to push his hand away, to stand up and scream at him to leave her alone. Instead she narrowed her eyes and gritted her teeth.

  ‘You must know by now that men and women are separated. Oh, I know it seems hard, especially if there are husbands and wives in here, but there are good reasons. You see, my dear girl, boys and men of all ages for that matter, especially the sort that we have in here, cannot resist their animal urges. A boy like Jake has to be taught a lesson. One day he’ll thank me. Oh yes, he will.’ He nodded agreement with himself, a satisfied smile stretching his thick lips. ‘Jake Bosley will leave here one day a fine upstanding young man and it will all be thanks to me.’

  Meg could bear his touch no longer. She stood up suddenly and his hand fell from her knee. There was a fleeting look of anger on his face, but Meg said swiftly, ‘Master, I’m so sorry I broke the rules and I promise you it will never happen again. But you must believe me – we were doing nothing wrong. I swear it. I was very upset and he – Jake – was being very kind to me.’

  Isaac smiled sadly. ‘Oh, my dear child, how young and innocent you are. But there, there.’ He took hold of her hand and patted it. Meg wanted to snatch her hand away; his touch made her flesh crawl. ‘I’m here to protect you. Now, you run along and have your supper with the children.’ He leant towards her as if sharing a confidence. ‘When they’re all in bed, I’d like you to do something for me. Just to show me how really sorry you are.’ His tone was silky. Meg was silent, holding her breath, afraid of what he was going to say. ‘I’d like you to stay up in the dormitory with the children so that Miss Daley is free. And you’ll tell her that I’d like to see her, won’t you?’

  ‘Oh, but Miss Daley’s going to give me some tests tonight. To – to see if I can help teach.’

  For a fleeting moment, Isaac’s face was like thunder, then he forced a laugh and said, ‘Well, well, how very conscientious of our little schoolmarm. But you tell her from me that she can do that another time. Now –’ suddenly he pulled her close to him, so that she felt his stale breath on her face – ‘you’ll do that for me, little Meg, won’t you? And we’ll say no more about what happened in the yard, eh?’

  It was a threat, yet for once there was nothing she could do but nod her head in agreement, even though she hated herself for giving in.

  Eight

  When Meg burst into the children’s dormitory, Louisa Daley put a finger to her lips. Most of the children were already asleep and the others were drowsy, just on the point of falling into a kinder world than they knew in their waking hours.

  ‘I’ve had to put little Betsy Arnold into my room. She’s got the most awful cough. Matron has given me some medicine for her, but it doesn’t seem to be doing much good.’

  ‘Miss Daley, Louisa—’ Meg began urgently.

  ‘Yes, yes, I know what you’re going to say, but I haven’t forgotten. We can sit quietly in my room. We’ll be on hand for Betsy then. I’ll test you on arithmetic tonight. Your written English is very good—’

  ‘No, no, you don’t understand—’

  ‘Oh, my dear.’ Louisa took Meg’s trembling hands in hers. ‘Here I am prattling on about schoolwork and I haven’t asked how your mother is.’

  ‘She’s poorly, but I think she’ll be all right. But she – she lost the baby.’ For a moment Meg’s thoughts were diverted from the message she carried. ‘It was a boy too. I think Dad would have like another boy. He was that thrilled when Bobbie was born.’

  ‘Oh, Meg, I’m so sorry. No wonder you don’t want to work. I do understand that you really wouldn’t be able to concentrate—’

  ‘It’s not that. Oh, Louisa, it’s the master.’

  Louisa paled. ‘What – what about the master?’

  The words came tumbling out. ‘I’m so sorry, Louisa, if it’s my fault. You see, I was coming down from the infirmary after seeing Mam and Jake Bosley was in the yard. He – he saw me crying and tried to comfort me and the master saw us.’

  Louisa shuddered. ‘That man sees everything,’ she murmured bitterly. ‘From his bedroom and the landing on this floor he can see all the yards. Oh, I can tell you, Isaac Pendleton misses nothing. I only wish I’d thought to warn you, my dear. I suppose he’s punishing you both in some way, is he?’

  ‘He – he thrashed Jake.’

  Louisa closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. ‘Poor Jake, but it’s not the first time and I don’t expect it will be the last. However many beatings he has, it doesn’t seem to dampen his spirit for long.’ She paused and then looked into Meg’s green gaze. ‘What about you? What is your punishment?’

  ‘He – he asked me to look after the children tonight while you – while you—’ Meg bit her lip.

  Flatly, Louisa finished the sentence for her. ‘While I take some time off.’

  Wordlessly, Meg nodded.

  ‘It’s not your fault, Meg. He’s been hounding me for weeks. Ever since I came here, in fact.’ Louisa grimaced wryly. ‘I think he’s got me in mind for the position of Mrs Pendleton number two.’

  Meg stared at her in disbelief. ‘You wouldn’t,’ she breathed. ‘Oh, you wouldn’t marry him!’

  Louisa laughed and for a brief moment the ridiculous thought drove away Meg’s sadness and she began to laugh too. They leant against each other, overcome by a fit of girlish giggles. Drying her eyes at last, Louisa said, ‘Well, I’d better go. I daren’t refuse. Let’s just hope I can keep him at arms’ length. Where is he? In his office?’ She shuddered and inclined her head in the direction of the master’s bedroom across the landing. ‘I certainly don’t fancy going to his room across there. Now,’ she went on more briskly, ‘you will look after poor little Betsy, won’t you?’ Suddenly, there was a spark of mischief in her brown eyes. ‘Of course,’ she said slowly and deliberately, ‘if you’re really worried about her, you’ll have to come and fetch me. Won’t you, Meg?’ she added pointedly.

  Meg giggled again, the conspiracy between them chasing away some of her sadness about her mother and her anxiety over Jake. She didn’t like being the cause of the boy’s punishment. Especially when he had tried to be so kind to her.

  ‘When shall I come down for you then?’

  ‘Oh, in about an hour.’

  ‘But there isn’t a clock. How shall I know the time?’

  ‘I’ll leave you my watch,’ the young schoolmistress said, unfastening the fob watch she always wore pinned just above her left breast and pressing it into Meg’s hand. ‘Don’t lose it,’ she said. ‘My father gave it to me. It’s all I have to remember him by.’

  Louisa hurried away, dreading her mission, yet anxious not to frustrate the master any further.

  Meg placed Louisa’s watch on the battered chest of drawers and sat down beside the small bed where Betsy lay. The child was restless, her breathing rasping and laboured. Meg poured a little water from the china ewer into the bowl and dipped a flannel into it. Wringing most of the water from it, she dabbed at the child’s hot face.

  She remembered her mother doing this for Bobbie when he’d had a fever. Betsy opened her eyes and stared up fearfully.

  ‘It’s all right,’ Meg soothed. ‘Miss Daley’s had to go down to the master’s office. I’m here to look after you.’

  The fear faded from Betsy’s blue eyes as Meg smoothed the damp tendrils of fair hair back from the young girl’s forehead. ‘Try to sleep,’ she whispered.

  ‘I want my mammy,’ Betsy said, her mouth quivering. The girl looked about ten years old. She was very thin and, at this moment, very poorly.

  ‘Where is she? In the women’s section?’

  Betsy shook her head and bit her lip. ‘No, she died.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ was all Meg could say. After a pause she asked, ‘What about your dad? Where’s he?’

  ‘He’s gone away.’

  Meg nodded. ‘Ye
s, so’s mine. He’s gone to look for work and then he’ll come back for us.’

  ‘That’s what my dad said.’ Betsy’s voice trembled. ‘But he’s been gone two years.’

  Meg bit her lip. She didn’t know what to say to comfort the child, so she just sat beside her and held her hand. Betsy slept fitfully, dozing for a few moments then tossing and turning with fever and whimpering pitifully. The minutes crawled by. Meg kept looking at Louisa’s watch hardly able to believe that the time was going so slowly. Once she held it to her ear to see if it was still going. Reassured by the low tick-tick-tick, she was about to replace it on the top of the cabinet, when Betsy reached out her hand.

  ‘Let me hear it,’ she said.

  Meg held the watch close to the little girl’s ear. Betsy’s tiny mouth trembled and tears welled in her eyes. ‘My daddy had a watch like that. He – he used to let me listen to it.’

  Meg held it there for a few moments until Betsy was asleep once more. She seemed calmer now and her face was not so flushed. Carefully, Meg placed the watch back on top of the chest, noting the time as she did so. Another five minutes, she decided, and then, if Betsy was still asleep, she would creep away and go down to the master’s office. Now even the seconds dragged and Meg fidgeted, agitatedly biting the nail of her little finger. When only three minutes had passed, she jumped up, unable to wait a second longer. With one last glance at Betsy, she crept towards the door. Its creaking echoed in the silence and Meg held her breath, sure that it would wake not only the sick little girl, but half the dormitory too. As quietly as she could, she pulled the door to and tiptoed down the centre of the long room. On either side, the children slept on straw mattresses in wooden beds pushed close together. Curled beneath rough blankets, some slept silently, while others snuffled and muttered in their sleep. Bobbie, Meg noticed thankfully, was one of those sleeping peacefully, but in the end bed nearest the door to the landing, she could hear muffled sobs. Meg paused, wanting to comfort the child, yet not liking to linger. She was nervous enough about lying to the master, even if it was to save Louisa from his clutches. What if he insisted on coming up to the dormitory to see Betsy for himself and found her asleep and looking, if anything, better not worse?

  Meg moved on, out onto the landing and down the stairs. At the bottom she stood outside the master’s office door. She paused a moment, listening for the sound of voices from beyond the door.

  She could hear nothing.

  Her heart pounding, Meg took a deep breath and rapped urgently on the door. Isaac Pendleton’s exasperated voice called, ‘Come in.’

  Meg rushed into the room. ‘Oh, Miss Daley, do come. It’s Betsy. I’m sure she’s worse. I didn’t know what to do.’

  Louisa was sitting on the sofa with the master close beside her, his arm around her shoulders. She stood up at once and placed the cup and saucer she was holding on the low table. Then she turned to face Meg. ‘I’ll come at once.’ She glanced down at Isaac. ‘I’m so sorry, but I must go. The child is very sick. I really shouldn’t have left her . . .’

  Isaac struggled to his feet. He put his arm around her again and hugged her to him. ‘Your concern does you credit, my dear.’ Then he turned frosty eyes upon Meg. ‘But you should have fetched the matron, girl. Miss Daley deserves a night off now and again. She works far too hard as it is.’ His eyes narrowed and Meg read the threat in them. Suddenly, he was once again the bullnecked, angry tyrant wielding power over all the people in his charge – staff and inmates alike. ‘If I’m to allow you to continue as Miss Daley’s assistant, you’ll have to cope better than this.’

  Meg dropped her gaze. ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ she said meekly for the second time that day. ‘I – I was just so frightened. Betsy’s breathing. It sounds awful . . .’

  Louisa eased herself away from Isaac. ‘I’d better go. Perhaps, if she settles again, I can come back.’

  ‘Please do, my dear.’ Isaac’s voice was husky, but with one last squeeze he released her.

  Louisa hurried across the room towards Meg, who dared not meet her gaze, so terrified was she that she would break into nervous laughter. ‘Come, Kirkland,’ Louisa said sharply, keeping up the pretence of being annoyed at the girl’s interruption.

  Only when the door had closed behind them and they were hurrying up the stairs, their hands pressed to their mouths to stop their laughter, did Louisa touch Meg’s arm and whisper, ‘Thank you. Oh, thank you, Meg.’

  ‘I was terrified he’d come with us because she’s asleep.’

  ‘Oh, you needn’t worry about the master coming to see the children,’ Louisa whispered. ‘He rarely concerns himself with them, except,’ she added wryly, ‘to administer punishments.’

  ‘But he came to the school room.’ Before Louisa could reply, Meg answered her own question. ‘Oh, I see. He came to see you – not the children.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Louisa said dryly.

  They crept down the dormitory and into Louisa’s room. The candle was guttering, sizzling and casting eerie, dancing shadows around the room, but Betsy was still asleep.

  Louisa lit another candle and then gently felt the child’s brow. ‘I don’t think she’s quite so hot.’

  ‘I bathed her face,’ Meg whispered and Louisa nodded approval. She straightened up and stood looking down at the child for a moment before saying, ‘I think we can leave her to sleep now.’ She glanced round the tiny room as she added, ‘But I’m afraid we’re going to have to leave testing your arithmetic for tonight. We shall disturb her if we stay here and I really daren’t go back down to the school room. It’s too near his office . . .’ Louisa’s voice trailed away, but Meg understood. ‘Maybe tomorrow.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ Meg smiled. ‘I want to try to see me mam again before I go to bed.’

  ‘Off you go then, dear,’ Louisa waved her towards the door, then paused and said, ‘Oh, just before you go, where is my watch?’

  Meg pointed towards the chest. ‘It’s on the top there—’ she began and then her mouth fell open in horror.

  The watch was not there.

  Nine

  ‘Where is it? Where’s my watch? What have you done with it?’ Louisa’s voice rose hysterically, no thought now for the sick Betsy or even the sleeping children in the dormitory. ‘Have you stolen it?’

  Thunderstruck and hurt beyond words that anyone could think such a thing of her, Meg gasped. She felt her face turning fiery red and knew that Louisa would see it as guilt.

  ‘No,’ she cried as, in the bed behind them, Betsy stirred and whimpered. But Meg was beyond caring too. ‘How dare you accuse me of such a thing? I’d never take a penny that didn’t belong to me. I’d starve first.’ Dramatically, she held out her arms wide. ‘You can search me. Go on, search me.’

  ‘You’d hardly have it on you, would you?’ Louisa muttered. ‘You must have hidden it somewhere.’

  In a moment the blossoming friendship between Meg and the young schoolmistress was torn asunder. Meg shook her head in fear and disbelief. What was happening to her? From living in a cosy cottage with her mother, father and brother she had been brought to this – a pauper cast into the workhouse by her own father, stripped of her clothes and possessions, separated from her family. And now, worse even than all that, she was being branded a thief.

  She thrust her face towards Louisa. ‘Well, I haven’t.’

  But Louisa stood her ground. ‘Then where is it? You’d better find it and be quick about it.’ The schoolmistress’s pretty face was suddenly pale with anger, her eyes no longer soft and kindly, but dark with suspicion.

  Wildly, Meg looked about her. What could have happened to the watch? Had someone crept into the room whilst she had been downstairs fetching Louisa? Had one of the children—?

  Betsy stirred and murmured. ‘Daddy – I want my daddy.’

  Meg elbowed Louisa aside and wrenched back the covers. There, clutched in Betsy’s small hands and held lovingly close to her heaving chest, lay Louisa’s watch.


  ‘So that’s where you hid it.’

  ‘I did not hide it,’ Meg almost spat out the words. ‘I told you – I left it on the top of the chest when I came to find you. Betsy must have reached for it.’

  ‘Don’t try to put the blame on this poor child. She’s too ill to have got out of the bed.’

  ‘Well, she can’t have been. I did show it to her – I admit that – I held it to her ear and she listened to its ticking. She said it reminded her of her daddy because he had one like it. It seemed to comfort her because she fell asleep then.’

  For a moment, Louisa stared at Meg then looked down at the watch and then back to Meg’s face. She was struggling with her thoughts. Now that it had been found, she realized she had been far too hasty in her judgement.

  ‘Oh, Meg, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have accused you. Please forgive me. I—’

  Meg held up her hand, palms outwards. ‘Oh no, don’t start that. You called me a thief and I’ll never forgive you. And don’t expect me to help you any more. Not—’ she added slowly and deliberately, ‘with anything.’ She jerked her head towards the door and her meaning and gesture were clear. Don’t, she was implying, expect me to help you with the master.

  ‘Oh, Meg, please—’

  ‘Don’t “Oh, Meg” me!’

  ‘But what about the school? What about you?’

  ‘I wouldn’t work for you if they paid me,’ the girl said vehemently. With that, she moved towards the door.

  ‘Meg, please don’t go like this. Let’s talk about it.’

  ‘There’s nothing to say. Too much has been said already.’ With a worldly wisdom beyond her tender years, Meg said, ‘You can’t unsay what you said, Miss Daley.’ She glanced back briefly. ‘And don’t you be taking it out on our Bobbie, ’cos if you do –’ her eyes narrowed – ‘you’ll regret it.’

  ‘You’re hardly in a position to threaten me, Meg.’

  ‘Oh, I’m not threatening you, miss. I’m promising you.’